It's been some time since i updated this thing. "How are things Paul?" Bad. "Why bad?" I dont know. I think every little thing ive done until this moment got me to this point , which is a bad place to be. "Do u lack anything?" I dont. I havent been a weird incel for a while now. More like, just weird, i have people who love me. Deeply, unconditionally. But i cant help but take advantage of it. I've been a awful person in the past. i broke hearts and ruined souls for my own benefit, for my own sardonic happiness, a happiness which made no sense, it was eccentric. I am trying to change "Change in what exactly?" A person. I no longer desire to be a machinery n i dont think i ever desired such fate. Its just who i am. I need to change my operating system. i cannot continue to operate life the way i do it will terminate my existence. You're not a butterfly who can just leave out of its cocoon. You should take responsability for your mistakes!" I am trying to make amends, i am trying to apologise. But i am just stained in black. I cant help but be a wolf in sheep's clothing. "Haha youre silly" hahah i love talking to you. "Me too" . " I love you" this is the funny part. You love me, but do you 'like' me? do you like the 2019 paul as much as the 2024 paul? Or do you like current paul less. Either way its the same person. N we both know you dont like either. I am a nice thing to touch, talk to, but am i nice thing to look at? Can you look at 'me' ? "What do you mean? I am looking right at you" No youre looking at the flesh casket i am in, at my pupils and my components. Do you want to take a look inside? "No" Why. "It doesnt benefit me, why would i care whats going on in the inside when i can laugh with you until my brains splatter on the ground" Why are you so afraid of yourself? Do you not look at me because you cannot look at yourself? You're afraid youll see all your flaws and insecurities in me? Are you afraid. We are the same? "I could never be you . You're a bad person" I dont know what im doing..............................